Awakening ...

I just reread this blog entry from July that for some reason didn't get published; I guess the time wasn't right until today. Enjoy ...

 

From July 12, 2012:

I am in love with the rainforest.  I have been home for a little over a week now and the serenity of Luna Lodge still lingers. I am so grateful to have been there with the amazing Libby, Raphaela, Katya, Tim, Lana, Gary, Edwin, Sandeep, and the other guests who were in and out of the Lodge during our special week. I am already looking forward to being there again; in the wild lushness, and life-filled jungle. The ocean beckons, the Scarlet Macaws screech with zeal (& always flying in pairs), Howler monkeys growl at sunrise, and, “Hola!” is called as we greet one another as old friends. We are all together, humans, animals, trees, ocean, sky, sun, moon, and stars. It is a sanctuary of peace and it feels like home from the moment of arrival! I long for my tropical soul-place, where I found inspiration – and I finally started writing that book I’ve thought about forever – 5 chapter headings, and three chapter outlines done. And it seemed so easy …

Wild green lushness,
                         tender beneath
                                  Howling, screeching, and calling my name
       
Asana, ocean,
          sky, sun, moon, stars
Writing the book
        that’s allowed to come forth.

Practicing, walking, and writing some more.
    Here seems forever,
          time leads to each breath.
        

Tropical soul-place,
                         sanctuary peace.

       Swimming in silence
                         awakened from sleep.

I Sipped a Latte at Starbucks

I sipped a latte at Starbucks,
   decaf non-dairy.
and thought of tiny children dancing in periwinkle tutus,
   ballet class late Thursday at dusk.

Tender arms curved overhead,
Little heels and chins lifted with tightrope-walk grace.
Inhaling, exhaling, breathing,
    and wandering.

Wide eyes, open lips, graceful tendrils all swirling,
twirling around as they shift in the wind.
    As if non-truth and truth
can be whisked, blended and steeped

Stirred into one as they dive, dip, and leap

soaring and spinning,
calling out
naming

continuous searching each exit
                                       each space.  

Are you willing to take the steps?

I do not see any reason why we can’t do all the things we dream of doing. Yes, obstacles, illness, and tragedies occur in all of our lives; there are many things we cannot control. But that doesn’t mean we should give up and stop working toward happiness and fulfillment. Each day may not unfold the way we plan, but if you put sincere effort into creating each day according to your heart’s desire: focus, take the steps, and make it happen, you will find that you have more control over your life than you may otherwise have thought. I have used this method throughout my life (I didn’t always know I had a method), and these steps have helped me work through obstacles that sometimes seemed impossible to overcome. For example, I really wanted to go to college, including graduate school, which for a high school dropout/ pregnant teenager, didn’t seem very promising. But I did it. When I turned 18 I studied for and passed the GED, entered a community college and started with one class at a time at night; this was not the way I envisioned college life, but I was following my dream.

It took me 17 years to graduate with a bachelor’s degree. In the early semesters it was one class at a time, sometimes taking off a semester or two because I was a single mom with two kids and couldn’t always fit classes into my work/childcare schedule. But I stayed enrolled and kept going. In December of 2000 I graduated with honors from The University of Louisville with a BA in Humanities. It was a long time coming but so worth the effort! I took a year off to figure out what was next and began Graduate school in 2001. I began to dream of living in England one day, and began considering what the steps could be for this to happen. Many thought I was crazy, “Why would you want to do that?!” “It’s so expensive” “How will you manage?” etc. There are often those around who will try to sabotage your dreams (They are often the ones who seem to want the best for you but I think they would be happier if they just focused on themselves). Following graduate school where I earned an MA in Humanities/Medieval Studies, I applied to and was accepted into the University of Kent in Canterbury, UK. I began my post-grad studies, and loved living in England!

Along the way, during my academic adventure, and the chaos of raising of children, I got married and had a third child. We dreamt of traveling. I wanted to see places, meet other people, and experience different cultures. So, travel became a priority. Others bought a new car, new appliances, lots of new clothes, etc. we saved for plane tickets. And it has been fantastic! We explored The American and British Virgin Islands, Curacao, Aruba, England, Ireland, Scotland; we drove and camped across the USA, and found a small hideaway near Puerto Vallarta. We’ve tasted exotic food, met interesting, creative people and learned about the world and ourselves.

About mid-way through the seemingly never-ending college years I began practicing yoga and deepened my meditation practice; I envisioned teaching yoga and sharing what I was learning with others. When I was ready, I began training to be a Yoga Teacher. I studied in Louisville, Cincinnati, Lake Tahoe, and other places and spaces. I read ancient texts, new manuals, blogs, web sites, and went to workshops. I taught classes and dreamt of opening a yoga studio; and when I felt the universe call I knew I had to get to work. So, I took the steps. I took the steps and made it happen. This, simple but not always easy, process has allowed me to pursue my dreams and to experience, learn, grow, and enjoy the richness and beauty that life offers. By envisioning what I want to experience, researching, mapping out, and taking the steps, I have been able to create my life according to my dreams.   

What is your dream, your vision, your desire for yourself in this lifetime? Close your eyes and see it as if it is happneing. Write it down. Then ask yourself, "What is the first step toward making this dream come true?" Take the first step. Then the next. One step at a time. You really can do everything you want to do; maybe not all at once, but you can create your life and enjoy it if you are willing to take the steps – I know you can do it!

So, what’s next for me? Well, I have two amazing yoga studios with incredible, inspiring teachers. I train Yoga teachers and love, love, love sharing this practice with others. I sometimes miss being in England and I dream of someday teaching yoga there while deepening my Shakespeare studies – I think Oxford could be the most amazing place to learn …

Namaste ♥

What will you do to affirm yourself ...

God Says Yes to Me

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said sure it is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
                            -Kaylin Haught

I love this poem; it reminds me to be kind to myself and to allow myself to be me. We are perfect exactly the way we are, right now at this moment. 

Allow yourself to be who you are, to express yourself in ways that suit you, to do or not do what you decide for you. You are of divine light – who is to say that there is anything less than perfect, wonderful, and beautiful about that? Remember who you are ♥

What will you do to affirm yourself today? How will you give yourself permission to be who you are even if it doesn’t meet the expectations, requirements, and comfort level of others? 

I anticipate my return to the rainforest with excitement and wonder; I am still amazed.

I dream of a tropical paradise. I envision myself standing on an open air platform overlooking the rainforest – green for miles, cool tropical breezes blowing through my hair, cooling my skin. I dream of a quiet walk on the beach, an undeveloped expanse of sand and water that is natural, grainy, and soft. I hear the whisper of the waves calling, “Come, relax, breathe, be …” I stand on the platform, eyes closed, palms together in front of my heart, and answer, “Auuummm …” There are no sounds of cars, trains, or semi-trucks; there is no air pollution to stifle deep breathing. There is only peace and space. Stillness is the background, the foreground, and all grounds in between. Except for the gentle shushing of trees moving with the wind, the steady rhythm of the ocean, and the call of the howler monkeys announcing the beginning of a new day, there is stillness, steadiness, and mindfulness as a way of being.

I remember my first visit to the paradise that is Luna Lodge; we were greeted by Lana herself, visionary/creator/preserver of this amazing place. With a knowing smile, she gently offered tall cool glasses of water, led us to the lodge platform, and presented the rainforest as if it were her child. We stood gazing across miles of lush, green, billowing trees, barely breathing, in awe-struck silence. The expansiveness is breathtaking; the denseness of foliage is indescribable. I could not stop looking, I could not speak; I knew I was blessed with a secret that many will never know. I finally took a breath and felt a full-body exhale, as if it came from the trees themselves, releasing all stress, tension, fears, and inhibitions. I sensed a gentle softening of something very deep within myself. The healing magic of Mother Nature with the incredible nourishment of tropical surrounds us, embraces us and offers us her love and healing as we respectfully honor her domain. I anticipate my return to the rainforest with excitement and wonder; I am still amazed.

Clean, open, uncomplicated - that’s what I am experiencing ...

Thirty-two days ago I decided to eat raw vegan food for one day as an experiment in “clean living”. My diet was already pretty healthy (I thought). I have been vegan for nearly five or so years, vegetarian for about ten or eleven before that. My interest in food keeps me reading, learning, and questioning all I can on the subject. Through my research, as I mentioned in an earlier blog, I began to realize that through cooking I have been destroying most of the nutritional value of my food. As a result, I decided to try it raw, vegan, organic, and whole, to see if I felt a difference. One day at a time.

I set the following parameters:

·        If I wanted to continue for more than one day I would do so, but with the understanding that I was committing to only one day at a time.

·        If I wanted to eat something cooked, I would do that as well, without any negative feelings or judgment.

·        That I would embrace the preparation of food as a sacred act. This means having positive healing intention, often chanting mantra or having it playing in the background, and imbibing my food with love during preparation. Allowing only positive energy in my food.

I felt that in order to truly benefit from a clean diet, I would have to feel clean, not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. The past thirty-two days have offered opportunities for me to understand what that really means. As the days went by I noticed that my asana and meditation practices had taken on a new shape; I started practicing a few series’ from the Bihar school which I have found to be very cleansing and awakening. About three weeks in, I became more mindful of my interactions with others and decided consciously to be less involved in or concerned about other people’s opinions and decisions. I felt a natural release of petty concerns toward and about others and their choices – their issues are not my issues, etc. And this too felt very clean, as if I had wiped  away a layer of unnecessary film that hads been clouding my vision. I am feeling less tired and am putting more energy into my time at home, into my close relationships, and working toward being as transparent as possible. By focusing on myself and on things of which I truly have some control I have more energy and more time to do the things I love.

So here I am at day thirty-two; I am starting the day with juice and moving on from there. I have been drinking plenty of water and am feeling very centered and grounded.  Will I continue eating raw? We’ll see. With my new perspective on nourishment I have felt a lifting, a sloughing off, or a finishing of work that has been in progress for a while. It’s as if I needed to step across a line or strip away another layer in order to be in the next space. Eating raw has been that step. Clean, open, uncomplicated - that’s what I am experiencing. By each “letting go”, I have found a huge release and an opening of some sort – much bigger than expected. I am raw today and it feels really good : )

Exploring the world of raw food. Day 15:

Fifteen days ago, I decided that I would eat raw vegan food for one day; and if I felt like it, I would do it again the next day, and the next, etc. Each day I would decide how I feel and move on from there; and each day it has been, strangely and unexpectedly, liberating! Part of my agreement with myself is that if I want something cooked I will eat it and enjoy it - no guilt, no self-recriminating judgment, just pleasure as a result of making a mindful decision. I have put no limitations on food quantity, number of meals, etc., other than anything I eat will be vegan. So, I am fifteen days in, feeling satisfied and healthy, and oddly, as though I have always eaten this way.

Over the past 5 years or so of eating a vegan diet, I have explored, experimented with, and eaten many amazingly delicious cruelty-free meals. Many of these have been raw as I like to take in as much nutrient-rich food as possible and have enjoyed creating raw vegan treats and meals as a novelty and as a way to experience a variety of tastes and textures. I have always enjoyed the raw foods I have created and felt good adding them to my cooked vegan meals. However, lately I have felt myself moving into a new space- I have developed a strong desire for raw vegan food - fresh, living, highly nourishing food that is not cooked and still delicious. And though I have for some time been aware of the benefits of eating food that hasn’t had most of the nutrition cooked away, I haven’t always understood the reasons that one would choose to do such an “odd thing” as a total way of eating. Adding fresh vegetables, fruits, and seeds to your meals should be enough, right?

Throughout this experiment I have continued reading about food, learning more about enzymes (we cook them away and they're really important!), phytonutrients (yep, need them too!)and my confusion as to why we cook so much of our food has increased. Our taste preference for cooked food has led to the depletion of nourishment in the food, which leaves us unsatisfied; this leads to food cravings, then to overeating, and finally to health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases among others (read more here). Hence my experiment to see how I would feel while eating a diet of 100% living, whole, vegan food, one day at a time; and I have been enjoying every minute of it! I feel as though I am rediscovering something that I already knew, but until now, I wasn’t ready to really know it.

So: Does eating all raw make a difference? Will I feel better? - I don't feel bad right now. Will I feel different at all? These are some of the questions I have been asking myself throughout this experiment. And so far, results are good.  

Some things I have noticed:

·       Mindfulness
I am so much more mindful of what I am doing as I prepare food. Raw vegan food preparation necessitates mindfulness – lots of sharp tools - knives, food processor blade, etc. one has to be aware of hand placement whether slicing, dicing, chopping etc. or reaching into a sink full of soapy water! I have found that spreading cracker “dough” onto dehydrator sheets, or layering nut crust with carob cream filling and then cashew cream requires steadiness and awareness.

It feels good to know that the preparation of food is something for which I have set aside time. I can focus on what I am doing, think loving thoughts and infuse this living food with nurturing healing energy : )

·     Energy level & Emotions
Throughout the past 15 days my energy level and emotions have stayed consistent; even on days that are usually low energy for me (prior to and beginning of menstrual cycle). And this is while living out of town, with 3 or 4 other people depending on the day, teaching a different schedule than usual, etc. – I feel contentedly grounded, centered, and balanced : )

·    Love
I feel that I am offering love to myself and others through this nourishment; by offering food with high levels of prana (vital life force) I am offering love energy as food. Seeing the little sprouts on cashews and almonds softens my heart and makes me smile – I know it sounds weird but it’s the truth! This is how I want my life to be/feel – love centered, inside, outside and all around. There is tenderness and joy tingling within me and it feels really good.  Namaste ♥